Leaders I work with frequently ask for help conducting difficult conversations. They’re planning some of these conversations in advance. Some erupt spontaneously. Either way, there are important behaviors that will help you successfully and productively navigate these situations.
There’s a great article published by the Harvard Business School last week that highlights these key behaviors so leaders not only effectively handle these conversations but actually inspire collaboration in the process.
It really boils down to great listening along with respect for the other person’s point of view. In the article, Harvard’s Francesca Gino says, “Leaders tend to dominate the conversation; they don’t listen and shut down others’ ideas. Consequently, the other members of the collaboration are often too afraid, or simply too bored and disengaged, to contribute their own thoughts.”
The article also talks about using politically charged language. It’s a very valuable read.
There are a couple of behaviors I share with my clients that are not mentioned in the article and are also valuable. First, pay close attention to your physical and emotional reactions during times of confrontation and conflict. Get in touch with how that feels. For me, there’s a distinct physical feeling of tightening in my shoulders and neck. I also get the sense that I’m in an emotional/intellectual fog, not thinking clearly.
Second, when I get these feelings, I do something that gives me time to clear my own mind and usually calms the person I’m talking with. I ask a question. If someone heatedly confronts me on something, I say, “Tell me more about your concerns? I want to make sure I understand.” This forces the other person to think about what they said and provide additional context. And it gives me time to process and calm myself down.
Confrontation and conflict are part of life and part of business. If handled well, they’re highly valuable. You learn what is on people’s minds. You hear concerns that may be valuable to know. And most importantly, you strengthen relationships when you respond thoughtfully and respectfully.